Category Archives: Boneless tantrums
What I mean by “boneless”
For those of you with a baby not yet of Boneless Tantrum age, here’s what it reminds me of when a toddler goes from standing upright like a human to a pool of baby parts on the floor. Only, in real life there’s a lot of screaming, crying and public humiliation. Your baby will be upset, too.
What you missed: tantrums
At the 15 month mark, Suzianne bestowed upon us the blessed gift of toddler drama:
Fortunately, Suzianne and I were flying cross-country during her first real inconsolable tantrum. That’s right, just a momma, her demon spawn and 130 strangers. And a Bloody Mary in a kids cup with a bendy straw.
For 4.5 hours, we wrestled on and off the seats, up and down the aisle. At one point I Momma Mean Whispered, “you are the reason adults cry when they see babies on a plane.” The woman beside me said, “So true, but I do love her hair.”
Then, as the freakin landing gear lowered, so did her eyelids. I was left with this in my lap for the last 15 minutes of the flight:
As the evidence actual sleep became clear, a chorus of “You’ve got to be kidding me”‘s echoed throughout the cabin. Yeah, people, tell me about it.
Then, of course, nothing could wake her:
Woe unto you, parents of 12 – 14 month olds. One day, you’ll wake up to find your 15 month old, formerly happy-go-lucky baby looking at you like a Walking Dead cast member:
This is the toddler warning shot.
I have no advice for you.
Just be sure you’ve got a fully stocked bar. You’ll also need a flask because most of the tantrums happen in public.
Suzianne is especially prone to playground scream fests. The hallmark these is a Boneless Meltdown, followed by Flailing About In Momma’s Arms, and topped off by the Unbendable Toddler Plank, which prohibits stroller insertion. I don’t have any of that on video because I need every available appendage to keep her from falling and busting her head open.
The good news: this phase only lasted about four weeks. She’s about 16.5 months old now and only really goes boneless when I retrieve her in the mornings. She wants her Daddy, not me. But that’s another post…