What I mean by “boneless”

For those of you with a baby not yet of Boneless Tantrum age, here’s what it reminds me of when a toddler goes from standing upright like a human to a pool of baby parts on the floor. Only, in real life there’s a lot of screaming, crying and public humiliation. Your baby will be upset, too.


How to: Crying It Out

Crying It Out, also known as The Ferber Method, really does work. It’s a good thing, too, because you’ll be re-Crying-It-Out every month or so. Blame teething, colds, growth spurts, etc.

I know I’ve been absent lately, but when it comes to Crying It Out, just because I haven’t been blogging doesn’t mean I haven’t been sharing my experiences with the Internet. Here’s an Insta-gem from April, when Suzianne could stand up, but could not figure out how to lay back down:

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Here’s June, when she was positive there was a party in the next room she should have been invited to:

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Most of the time, the Crying It Out training we first initiated back in November 2012 really works. We started it when Suzianne was about seven months old. Thanks to a few nights of wine and standing our ground, we now are able to lay her down in her crib and she’ll fall asleep on her own without incident within 10-15 minutes:  IMG_7510

When that happens, this happens:


Not pictured: the glasses of craft beer we were enjoying.

Many folks have asked about our Crying It Out formula. Here’s what I did for my baby, who was seven months old at the time. Continue reading

What you missed: tantrums

At the 15 month mark, Suzianne bestowed upon us the blessed gift of toddler drama:

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Fortunately, Suzianne and I were flying cross-country during her first real inconsolable tantrum. That’s right, just a momma, her demon spawn and 130 strangers. And a Bloody Mary in a kids cup with a bendy straw.

For 4.5 hours, we wrestled on and off the seats, up and down the aisle. At one point I Momma Mean Whispered, “you are the reason adults cry when they see babies on a plane.” The woman beside me said, “So true, but I do love her hair.”

Then, as the freakin landing gear lowered, so did her eyelids. I was left with this in my lap for the last 15 minutes of the flight:


As the evidence actual sleep became clear, a chorus of “You’ve got to be kidding me”‘s echoed throughout the cabin. Yeah, people, tell me about it.

Then, of course, nothing could wake her:



Woe unto you, parents of 12 – 14 month olds. One day, you’ll wake up to find your 15 month old, formerly happy-go-lucky baby looking at you like a Walking Dead cast member:  IMG_7466

This is the toddler warning shot.

I have no advice for you.

Just be sure you’ve got a fully stocked bar. You’ll also need a flask because most of the tantrums happen in public.

Suzianne is especially prone to playground scream fests. The hallmark these is a Boneless Meltdown, followed by Flailing About In Momma’s Arms, and topped off by the Unbendable Toddler Plank, which prohibits stroller insertion. I don’t have any of that on video because I need every available appendage to keep her from falling and busting her head open.

The good news: this phase only lasted about four weeks. She’s about 16.5 months old now and only really goes boneless when I retrieve her in the mornings. She wants her Daddy, not me. But that’s another post…

What a Zoo

I don’t mean to be critical, but I have a bone to pick with the San Diego Zoo. As card carrying Zoo members, we consider ourselves lucky to be just a few miles away from one of the country’s most famous conservation organizations.


When was the last time you were strolling through a zoo and had to move out of the way of The World’s Largest Double Decker Bus every 10 minutes?

It's coming.

It’s coming. (Photo: Flickr user Asim Bharwani)

I’d have taken a photo of my own to show it to you, but I can’t be distracted while trying to peep out the Koala’s AND preparing myself to hurl a 16 month old and anyone’s granny I see out of the path of a BUS rolling through the WALKWAY.

Who’s idea was this? To drive through a sea of slow-moving, face-painted, oblivious-to-anything-not-clinging-to-a-tree sight seekers and tourists. This is not a smart idea.

Until Suzianne actually starts responding to commands like, “Hey, don’t get hit by a bus the size of Manhattan,” we’ll be sticking to Sea World. No busses there. Besides, Sea World gives you these awesome beer glasses to walk around with.


Which are great to have on hand when your Suzianne’s a snoozin:




And so…hi! It’s been four months since I’ve blogged. Sorry about that. Welcome back, us. We’ve got quite a bit to catch up on.