How To Create a Sleeping Sanctuary

How do you create the perfect sleeping environment for your baby? Hell if I know.

From noise machines, to night lights, to food schedules, to superstition, I’ve tried everything to get my Dawn Worshiper to sleep past 5:15 a.m. And when she wakes she’s not waking up happy; she’s all kinds of mad for no apparent reason.

For a while, I thought it was the sunlight peeking in, waking her up before she was ready. So for the past week, Suzianne slept in a blacked-out room. A room so devoid of natural light, it felt dungeon-like during the day. But whatevs. Here’s a flashlight, baby. Momma needs some sleep.

The Baby Cave was created with the aid of this magical substance. It is black-out film, like the kind teachers use on their classroom windows. Although, I’m positive their handiwork does not look like something off of Frankenstein’s Pinterest board:


Crafty I’m not.

Sure it is creepy, but it really works. And by “it really works” I mean, it clings to the windows and makes the room dark. It in no way helps my child sleep. It might actually be making her angry.

After this week’s co-sleeping fun, I decided to rip down the film. I’m over it. I have no idea what conditions would enable my child to stay asleep past sunrise. And why make her wander through a depressing Baby Cave if it doesn’t actually help.

You birthed an early-bird, Margie. Deal with it.

Ah, but wouldn’t you know…the past two days–sans darkroom–she has slept until 6:30 a.m. Once awake, she’s not freaking out. She just sort of hangs out in her crib, playing with her stuffed animals until she gets board and calls for us Daddy.

The bottom line on baby sleep seems to be the same infuriatingly true advice people give about searching for a good man: be patient, honey. As soon as you give up, it’ll happen.

6 thoughts on “How To Create a Sleeping Sanctuary

  1. Oh, Lord…the early riser. If you wind up with any magic tricks, please let me know. Asher is almost 3 and still doesn’t sleep past 6:30. Maybe the magic trick is to wait until they are teenagers?

    Suzianne is adorable.

  2. Wait until she’s a teenager, then she’ll sleep until noon with ease…and you will be banging pots and pans to wake her for high school. LOL

  3. Hey Margie – we worked together at Healthways way back when. I have 4-year old twins and I can say, with certainty, that my son (Henry) has never slept past 5:30, ever. He didn’t even sleep through the night until he was 2. Now, my daughter (Claire) will happily snooze until 7 if the tv is on real low. She is a good baby. I have tried everything that is mostly legal. I have kept him up way past his bedtime, made him miss nap, change his diet by giving him sleepy food (chicken), gave him Benadryl. I’m terrible, but love my sleep and nothing worked. Nothing. I was in tears.

    Four years. I have succumbed to my fate and now my body wakes me up automatically every morning about 5 or 10 minutes before he comes down the hallway. My alarm clock still sits in a box out in the garage. There has been a “blue moon” morning where I am awake and he sleeps until 6. I’m just waiting with one eye open. Only 10 more years before he falls into the teen sleeping years. I have no faith that hormones will kick him into a slumber. Nothing does.

    I’m sorry, honey. I was not a morning person so I am beside myself, but I find a way every morning to peel myself out of bed so that he can watch ridiculous cartoons and suck on milk with a straw. It is hard. You do what it takes to survive and that is a pot of coffee for me or a bottle of wine at night for you. Hang in there.

  4. Hey, Nicole! Thanks for reading and for taking the time to comment!

    TWINS. Girl, your reward in Heaven shall be great. Sorry we are in the same boat, but at least the company is good!

    By the way, yours is my new favorite comment ever: “I have tried everything that is mostly legal” – you and me both, sister! Ha!

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