Hey, preggers! Read this.

Dear Momma-to-be,

Hey, sister. How are you feeling? You look amazing today. I know you’re all glowing and double fisting BBQ chips right now, but I want to talk a bit about labor and delivery.

Wait. Where are you going? Look, if you listen to me for just a few minutes, I’ll bring you a jar of Nutella. 

Now, then. Let’s cut the chase. Here’s how it’s going to go down:

You will be strong and powerful* 

Why are you blinking at me like that? Have another chip or 10 and hear me out.

I’m sure you were hoping I’d say “you’ll be great!” or “just get an epidural and it will be a piece of cake!”

But this is serious business, this human-creating thing. Labor and delivery is work. It’s exhausting, intense, miraculous work. It is work your body was made to do. And–you Type-A’s will appreciate this–your body does it so well

Your job is to breathe, focus and allow your body to work its magic. I don’t mean to belittle your fears. They are valid. The thought of going into labor is scary; the unknown always is. But you will rock this, lady. I promise.

By the way, it does’t matter whether you deliver vaginally or via c-section:

  • your body will produce a life; 
  • you will witness a miracle; 
  • you will be strong and powerful. 

However, if you deliver vaginally, you will poop on the table in front of your spouse. He/she will not mind because the baby’s-head-is-coming-out-of-your va-jay-jay-and-OMG-that-is-SO-COOL-honey-you-have-to-see-this-bring-in-the-mirror!  

Sister, please don’t over-think this. Prepare by going to a good Lamaze class and having your spouse read The Birth Partner, but don’t over-think it. There’s no need to; your body knows what to do and it will do it when the time is right.

One last thing: I am so proud of you. For nine months, you will have sacrificed beer, wine, brie, hotdogs, roller-coasters and sushi. You’ve peed 27 times a day; and by the time your ninth month rolls around, you’ll not be able to tie your shoes–or see your own lady parts. Know this: you are a ridiculously impressive, beautiful vessel of life. A vessel that will very soon be able to drink again. Hang in there.

In the meantime, rest up, read this book, schedule a mani/pedi, and get ready to have your world rocked by this tiny, beautiful creature that love, your uterus and God made.




6 thoughts on “Hey, preggers! Read this.

  1. this made me cry – in a good way, though. definitely what i needed today – i’m 39 weeks, my maternity clothes don’t fit, i’m waddling, the remnants of a sammich are hanging out on my belly, and i’m at the end of my rope because it feels like this pregnancy will never, ever, ever, EVER end. thanks for keeping it real, margie newman – your pep talk is a blessing to my day.

  2. Oh, honey! Hang in there! Your little one will be here before you know it. And then, you’ll be able to lay on your back when you sleep and shave your own legs again! You can do this, lady. So excited for you!

  3. I did such a good job with you. My work is done.
    I’m laying on the table waiting for my Botox® injections……really. I love you.

  4. Thanks, momma! It’s pretty awesome that you’re reading my blog while laid out on a doctor’s table. Good luck with the Botox; you don’t need it though. 🙂

  5. I agree with Francine. This made me cry. I am going to bring it to the hospital with me for inspiration! Thanks for writing it!

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